One thing Im learning very quickly, in fact a little too quickly in this job, is that people don’t value you when you work in retail. Like many jobs out there, you are no longer seen as a human past the interview stage but just a mere worker who is expected to have no emotion other than the ones they expect you to have, no ambition for anything other than the sometimes repetitive tasks they allocate to you and you’re expected to be totally sane after spending 5 days in a week doing the same thing for the majority of your day.
I understand the importance of living in your purpose otherwise you’ll be wasting days just dreaming about it, dreaming about all the things you’d prefer to be doing, wishing for Friday, then Friday comes and you half enjoy your weekend because all you really want to do is sleep because mentally and physically you’re tired, and the cycle repeats. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do in this life, and thats fine, I have a very vague idea and thats fine too– but I have to act and be aware to de-haze the vagueness so that my vision becomes clear. I’m happy because by me knowing that this job does not resonate with me, its made me realise more clearly what I do want out of life.
So I am grateful to experience what I passionately do not like, its pushing me closer to what is important to me in this life, not the money or material things but sanity– making a difference, interaction on a heartfelt level, creativity, that is sanity to me. To wake up early and have a long and eventful day not because I’m living in fear and I need the money to pay bills and survive. But because I want to and Im excited about life and I have a lot in me to offer, that is where I need to be.
And I’d like to believe I’m conscious about both the pros and cons of working this job, I could easily just quit, but its not time to do that yet, I don’t know when the time will be but I know there is more to experience, more to feel. Providing I don’t lose sight of the goal then I know I am doing great, I am living in my purpose. I’m interacting with great people and I’m being inspired in numerous ways. Its reinforced that I must always keep my head up and that I must always push myself- even if others don’t see my worth or capabilities, I must see the greater meaning and acknowledge a greater purpose.
(On that note I really need to get back to re-reading The Alchemist.)